Black Butler CRACK!
by bocchans-booty-shorts
Summary: This thing is going to be chock-full of goodies, musicals and other cracktastical things! Rated M for coarse language, possible violent content, , sexual themes, yaoi and GRELL.
1. From the Chandelier

**It's occurred recently to me that I've written so many one-shots and collections that were borderline crack for Kuro and Ghost Hunt, but not a single one is actually a crack.**

 **SO.**

 **Your reward as faithful readers and members of the Kuroshitsuji fandom.**

 _ *****Also, for those who do not ship a certain ship (*cough* SEBACIEL *cough*), I will write in the chapter link names whether or not they contain said ship at an extreme level. Be forewarned, because it will be hinted at a lot and if it isn't too bad, there will be no label to keep you from reading those chapters.*****_

 **So, without further ado, I present to you:**

 **Black Butler CRACK!**

 **Enjoy!**

Chapter 1: From the Chandelier

* * *

The Earl Ciel Phantomhive was sitting at his desk in his study, the chair propped to face out the window instead of its normal position. He was staring out the bay window, admiring the rainbow roses that had been in their rows of the garden for so long. He had to admit, they were his favourite.

He strained his ears to hear the sound of a gloved hand knocking on the wooden door to the room, but heard nothing. Ciel sat for a moment longer, seeing if the noise was just a few seconds late or something.

But yet again, nothing sounded from the door.

Ciel became angry and stood to check outside in the hall. This time of day is _exactly_ when Sebastian comes to bring him tea. Why in the hell was he late?!

Ciel slammed the door open and was about to look around when he realized that the thing he was looking for was right in front of him.

"Sebastian - WHERE IS YOUR ARM?!"

The butler was clasping the normal tea cart with his left hand, and the right arm was nowhere to be seen.

Ciel opened his mouth before Sebastian interrupted. "The angel cut it off. And before you ask, I haven't knocked because, well, _I can't._ "

"Why?!"

"I always knock with this arm."

* * *

 **That was terrible. XD**

* * *

Sebastian was sitting in the Young Master's study, the boy out in the garden. Tanaka sat in the corner of the room, sipping his tea quietly.

The three other servants came rushing in the door, each panting and visibly dishevelled. Mey-Rin had a mop in hand and an upturned bucket on her head, Finny with a pair of lawn clippers stuck in his hair and Bardroy looked burnt. They all had similar stories:

"Mr. Sebastian, I forgot that I was working on the stairs and I fell in the mop bucket-"

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Sebastian, but I forgot to check the pesticide, and I went to look at it and tripped and fell on the scissors-"

"Yeah... I forgot whether I should use the oven or my flamethrower-"

Sebastian's eyes narrowed. He leaned casually back on the desk, folding his arms. "Well what are you going to do about it?"

Mey-Rin adjusted her glasses confusedly. "What are we... going to do-"

"ARE YOU GONNA DO SOMETHING? You can leave a complaint in the complaint box but I DON'T CHECK THAT SHIT!" Sebastian and Tanaka each quickly pulled a pair of flashy sunglasses out from their tailcoat pockets and set them on their faces as an epic jingle comprised of trumpets and trombones played out of nowhere.

The three servants backed away slowly.

"We're just gonna get back to work, okay..." Bardroy said slowly as he ushered the other two out the door quickly as he stared wildly at the two older men.

* * *

 **Well that certainly was random. Any JonTron fans? (King's Quest V + Mailman is the episode that the "complaint box" line was taken from.)**

* * *

Ciel was sitting in his study once again, Sebastian at his side, bowing to him from the floor and just would not stand.

"Sebastian, you can get up now."

"No."

"It's an order."

"..." Sebastian stood, eyeing his younger superior in a malevolent way. "How dare you."

"How dare I what? You were just sitting there and being of no use."

"But I wanna get drunk."

Ciel let his mouth hang open a little bit, and he narrowed his eyes at the butler. "What does that have anything to do with you kneeling on the floor?"

"It has _everything_ to do with it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to my bedroom." The man waltzed over to the door of the study before Ciel let his voice ring again.

"Why are you going to your room?! There's work to be done!"

Sebastian stared at him for a moment, an innocent look on his face. "To get drunk." He closed the door and ran away, skipping and giggling like a schoolgirl, all the while Ciel listened.

"What an idiot..."

 _ ***three hours later***_

Ciel walked out of his study, a hand resting on his head. All that paperwork had done a number on his sanity. "I'm so bored..."

And then he heard something he wasn't familiar with.

Sebastian.

 _Singing._

Ciel shook his head for a moment, walking down the hallway on his way to the main lobby. "No, that would be too out of character for him. The only time he's sang was at a birthday party and even then he-"

Ciel stopped dead in his tracks, standing at the top of the staircase.

Sebastian was swinging upside-down on the massive chandelier in the centre of the room, a bottle of tequila in hand and a melody in his heart.

"IIIIIIIIII'M GONNA SWIIIIIIIIIIING FROM THE CHANDELIIIIIEEEEEERR-"

"Sebastian! What's your problem?!"

"-FROM THE CHANDELIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEERRRR!" Sebastian laughed like a maniac after the second line.

"SEBASTIAN WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!"

"OHHHH - Hiiiii Ciel!" Sebastian flashed him a stupid grin and dropped his bottle. "Awww..."

"Don't you dare address your master as such!" Ciel was fuming.

"Why not, _Ciel_?"

"BECAUSE- because-"

Ciel couldn't finish his sentence because he too was now swinging from the chandelier, knees locked and torso swinging freely as Sebastian swayed in a drunken stupor, causing the rest of the chandelier to swing with the demon.

"Why am I up here-" Sebastian pressed a finger to Ciel's lips and shushed him.

"Shhhhhhhhhhh... just sing..." Sebastian smiled stupidly.

Ciel frowned, crossing his arms. "I'm not singing, Sebastian. I refuse."

"Alright then, no cake or tea for a week."

Ciel was astonished, and the look he gave the demon certainly said as much. Sebastian crossed his arms aswell and smirked at the boy, raising an eyebrow.

Ciel frowned before finally making his decision.

...

...

...

...

"IIIIIII'M GONNA SWIIIIIIING FROM THE CHANDELIIIIIIEEEEERRR, FROM THE CHANDELIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEERRRRR!"

"THAT'S THE SPIRIT, CIEL!"

"SHUT UP, AKUMA."

 **Well that was fun. I hope you all enjoyed reading that as much as I did writing it, and if you've got the time, R &R and give that favourite button a tap. It really helps! And please be patient if the content of this chapter wasn't that good - this is my first crack and I promise it will only get better from here! I'm too used to writing out full-fledged stories, so randomness isn't exactly my forte!**

 **But anyway, I'll see you all in the next cracktastic chapter!**

 **-xXxNaru-LovexXx**


	2. (YAOI) I Didn't Know You Were a Stripper

**SOMEBODY CALL THE YAOI POLICE, IMMA GET _ARRESTED_ FOR THIS CHAPTER!**

 **WELCOME TO THE SECOND CHAPTER OF BLACK BUTLER CRACK!**

 **Enjoy!**

 **DISCLAIMER (because I didn't put one on the first chapter ._.): I DO NOT OWN KUROSHITSUJI/BLACK BUTLER. ALL CREDIT GOES TO THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR AND FUNIMATION AND ALL THAT S**T.**

 **YOU KNOW.**

Chapter 2: I Didn't Know You Were a Stripper!?

Ciel and Sebastian stood over the third corpse they had seen so far in this investigation, this one having their face frozen into a look of pure joy.

"Wonder what she saw before she died that made her so happy..." Ciel murmured.

"Probably my sexiness." Sebastian spoke nonchalantly, then turned up his nose and walked away.

* * *

 **Well okay then X)**

* * *

It was another regular day at the Shinigami Dispatch Association - Ronald was laying on the main staircase, refusing to do overtime as William repeatedly poked him in the ass with his Deathscythe to try and get him up, Eric and Alan were sitting on the sofa together, reading out the details of their next case together from the ledgers and Grell was doing his nails and hair in the corner, the paperwork that he should have been doing piling up on his desk. He soon abandoned his activity in the corner and waltzed over to Eric and Alan, the three sparking up a conversation.

William retracted his Deathscythe back to its shortest length once Ronald finally gave up and went to his desk. Will looked over to where Grell was talking with Eric and Alan.

"Reaper Sutcliffe." He spoke eerily low.

Grell remained silent, focussing on this conversation they were having.

"Reaper Sutcliffe." William spoke a little louder.

"Not now, I'm doing something."

"HEY." William pulled out a frying pan and smacked Grell over the head with it. The man fell face-first into the ground, and Will picked up his long red hair, beginning to walk away towards the reaper's desk. "There is work to be done, Reaper Sutcliffe, and I cannot have you forcing me overtime." Eric and Alan looked very disappointed that their friend had left in the middle of the chat.

Ronald raised his hands in the air and piped up at the two: "WOAHHOHOHHHHHHHOHHHHHH IT'S MR. STEAL YO GRELL!" He looked around nervously at the rest of his co-workers before sitting slowly back down in his seat and picking up his pink pen.

* * *

 **I loved writing that part so much.**

 **I think I'm on crack myself (=u=)**

* * *

Sebastian was making his way downtown, walking fast, faces passed, he was homebound as he wheeled the usual metal tea cart through the hall of the manor, Ciel's afternoon tea and scones sitting on top.

The demon reached his destination, knocking softly on the door.

"THIS IS MY OWN PRIVATE DOMICILE AND I WILL NOT BE HARASSED," Ciel spoke from inside. Seconds passed. "BITCH."

"Well, do you want this tea?" Sebastian spoke mockingly.

"..."

"Do you want this tea, Young Master?"

"I want it."

"Do you want it?"

"I want it."

"Do you _really_ want this tea?"

"I want that tea."

"Do you _reeeaaa_ -"

"SHUT UP AND GET IN HERE." Ciel snapped.

"But you told me that this room was your private domicile and I wasn't to harass you."

"Forget about that, I want that tea."

Sebastian walked into the room with the tea tray (cart thingy i don't know) and looked up at Ciel. The boy who usually sat in his desk like a normal person was dancing rather strangely on top of the desk, wearing nothing but a blue ribbon around his neck along with booty shorts and knee-high socks.

"Well, Master, are you going to drink your tea as per usual or are you going to do... this?"

"I'm practicing." Ciel still remained dancing strangely.

"What are you practicing?"

"Being a stripper."

"Why are you trying to be a stripper?"

"Because I can't dance any other way."

"Master... I'm not sure strippers dance exactly like... _that._ "

"What do you mean?" Ciel looked Sebastian in the eye. The boy had been doing something more akin to trying to hold in a gallon of piss than something a stripper would do.

"Well, strippers usually dance more provocatively than that. From here you just look like you really need to use the chamberpot."

"...Well how do they usually do it?"

Sebastian raised his eyebrows for a moment before snapping his fingers, causing a tall pole to appear from nowhere, and the song _"Troublemaker"_ by Olly Murs started playing.

 **A wild Stripper Pole appeared! What will Sebastian do?**

Sebastian discarded his tailcoat to the floor and rolled his white sleeves up as he raised his right leg onto the pole. His knee was bent with the ankle wrapped around the smooth pole quite tightly, and he raised his head up to Ciel. "FIRSTLY! Act as if there are a crowd of attractive men watching you!" The butler raised his arms to the sky and grabbed the pole, spun several times around it, and wound up bent back slightly on his knees on the floor, which was now a disco dancefloor.

 **Sebastian used Hypnosis!**

Ciel found himself staring as the demon held the pole tightly, jumping up onto the pole and locking his legs together at the ankles to hang without using his hands. "SECONDLY! Have no fear of falling off because it WILL be your doom!" He blew a kiss just for show.

 **Sebastian used Attract! The foe Ciel became infatuated and is unable to attack!**

 **The foe Ciel used Double Slap - but it failed!**

Ciel was going to strike the demon with his rings on for being so informal and misbehaved, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He just stared as Sebastian wrapped a single leg around the pole and let the rest of his body hang freely.

 **Sebastian used Flash!**

"THIRDLY! Get the attention of your audience in any way that you can! Remember, you are a stripper! Clothing means nothing to you!" Sebastian swung around the pole as he slowly undid all the buttons on his waistcoat and shirt, exposing the porcelain skin underneath. His tie hung, undone, from his neck.

 **The foe Ciel is paralyzed! He is unable to move!**

Ciel dropped from his standing position on the desk and sat on the edge, staring at what was being presented to him.

"FINALLY!" Sebastian spoke as he slid down the pole and slowly rose up to his full height, standing. "Your main objective should be to seduce and/or arouse your audience!"

 **Sebastian used Charm!**

Sebastian slowly waltzed up to Ciel, reaching his right arm across his chest to pull on the left side of his tie, and he slid the thing off of himself. He grabbed each end and swung the tie around the back of Ciel's neck, making a motion with his shoulders that caused the silky fabric to rub back and forth across the other's neck. Sebastian took a step closer each time the tie moved across his younger superior until he ended up with his face a mere few inches from Ciel's.

Sebastian kept eye contact and used his teeth to slowly remove his left glove, and used his now bare hand to stroke Ciel's cheek.

Ciel's heart beat faster. _Wha-what is this..?_

Sebastian tilted his own head to the side, letting ebony tresses fall over some of his features. He leaned in closer to the other's ear.

"Give me the word," he whispered ravenously. "and I will put on any show that would please my Lord." Sebastian pulled the tie away from Ciel's neck and tossed it away behind his back.

Ciel watched, wide-eyed as Sebastian pulled his head away from his ear, and his heartbeat sped up tremendously.

Sebastian let his eyes narrow as he leaned in to the younger's face once more and he lifted a leg to sit around Ciel's waist, pushing himself closer to the Earl. Sebastian couldn't help feeling satisfaction as a drop of blood found its way out of his petite nose.

 **It's super effective!**

Sebastian let a smirk grace his features as he pulled himself away from Ciel, turning away and picking up all of his clothes, putting them back on in a flash and wheeling the cart over to Ciel's desk.

"Now THAT is how you dance like a stripper. And drink your goddamn tea. I'll be back to collect the cart in an hour." He walked out of the room, shutting the door quietly.

Ciel stared at the place where Sebastian had just been. "But..."

"THE POLE IS STILL IN HERE!"

Ciel took the cup of tea from the cart and walked back to his desk, sitting in the chair and slumping down to rest his head on the desk.

 **The foe Ciel has been defeated!**

* * *

 **WELL! This chapter was sooo much fun to write and I would like to thank all of you guys, being my loyal readers and all, for taking the time to read all this stupid crack. I actually originally intended for this chapter to end in a completely different way involving footstools, but at least now I have content for the next chapter.**

 **Please R &R, and if you would, please give that Favourite button a tap! It really helps!**

 **See you in the next cracktastic chapter!**

 **-xXxNaru-LovexXx**


	3. (YAOIIIIIIIII) What a Wonderful Kitty

**I still can't believe that I wrote ALL of chapter two in just a few hours, and I'm already on number 3 :D**

 **But anyways, my excitement aside,**

 **PREPARE YO ANUS (heheh, yaoi... *cough* foreshadowing *cough*)**

 **for Chapter 3 of BLACK BUTLER CRACK!**

 **Enjoy!**

 **(This one is just one little story and then a big thing that's either going to be really great or really weird to you. Either way, it's gonna make your day, hopefully. That's all I intend.) :3**

* * *

Chapter 3: What a Wonderful Kitty...

Ciel was sitting at his desk in his study, a book in one hand and his face resting on the other's knuckles. He had been reading the latest masterpiece by Edgar Allen Poe, who was one of his favourite authors. He was getting right into the novel when a soft knock on the door roused him from his concentration.

"Master, I have something for you." A voice came from outside the room.

"Come in, then." The boy replied.

Sebastian, his _waaaay_ -too-good-to-be-true butler, walked in at a calm pace, carrying a silver tray up high in his right hand. "Something has arrived in the post for you this morning, Young Master."

Ciel looked up at the tray, which was now being thrust at him. There was a letter on top, but there was no wax seal.

"Well... who is from?"

Sebastian looked calmly down at the boy.

Ciel's eyes narrowed and he looked a bit confused. "What is this?"

Sebastian's mouth curled into a Cheshire grin before he spoke loudly. "DEEZ NUTS." He took the tray out from Ciel's reach and flung it back, Ciel watching it hurl through the air as the letter flew in another direction. "HA! GOT 'EEM!"

Sebastian dove to lay on the desk and pointed at Ciel, who had lunged backward and the chair rolled with him until he hit the window.

"HAH! GOT 'EEM!" He proceeded to laugh quite loudly as Ciel sunk slowly down into his chair quite fearfully.

* * *

 **I always wanted to use that joke in my writing. XD**

* * *

Sebastian found himself bored while laying in bed.

The demon looked over at the wardrobe where he kept his many cats. He found the thought of their beautiful fur and ears and tails and EVERYTHING dancing its way across his mind.

 _Ahhh, cats are so... purr-fect.  
_

Sebastian returned his gaze to the ceiling. He ran a hand through his hair and kept it there for a minute before another very sudden and... interesting... thought crossed his mind.

 _There are two things I know in this world that are so sinfully adorable that I cannot resist them._

 _Cats, and my Young Master. (Well, I can restrain from fangirling over Ciel, but you get the point.)_

 _So... what if I combined the two somehow?_

Sebastian let a smirk fall over his face as he reached into the topmost drawer of his nightstand. He pulled out three things - a pink pair of cat ears, a matching tail and a glass bottle filled with a strange red liquid. It had a label on it, but instead of there being words, there was a rather cartoonish drawing of a cat.

He scooped all three items and rushed out of his room, running upstairs and knocking on Ciel's bedroom door.

"Wha.. who is it?" Ciel answered groggily.

Sebastian knocked louder this time.

"What do you want?!"

"Master! Let me in!"

"Sebastian? Why do you want in here so late?!"

"This is really important, my Lord! I need to come in so I can-"

Sebastian was interrupted by the swinging open of the door in front of him. He backed up a little bit and looked down, holding the things he was holding behind his back. Ciel was looking up at him, hair dishevelled and wearing his nightclothes. He held a lit candle in its holder in one hand and... he looked rather unimpressed.

"What," He paused for effect. "do you want?"

Sebastian lifted up the objects up from behind him so that Ciel could see them.

"Can you act like a kitty?" He smiled and laughed very nervously.

Ciel glared at him before speaking in a low tone.

"You woke me up at 2 AM and had me drag my ass out of bed when you know DAMN WELL that I have work to do tomorrow," he sucked in a breath and sighed. "just so you could dress me up as a cat."

"Well, yes."

Ciel looked outraged, raising his head, eyes closed and clenching his fists, but let his body rest for a moment before looking back up at the butler. "Whatever you're planning _exactly_ on doing, I'm not going to partake."

"Yes, you are."

The boy stared at him. "You dare try to force me into something?"

"I do. Now we can do this the _easy_ way," he raised the cat ears and tail up," or we can do this the _hard_ way." He lifted up the bottle, shaking it a bit so the red liquid sloshed and danced around.

"Well, there will be _no way_ because I'm not doing it." Ciel turned away from the demon and started to walk to his bed before he felt a hand grip his wrist tightly.

"You're not going anywhere."

Ciel flinched at the spoken words and turned around to face the demon, shocked and angered. He almost dropped the candle. "What are you trying to-"

Sebastian gripped Ciel's wrist tighter, leaning his face into the other's.

"The easy way or the hard way, Master." He whispered. "Choose."

Ciel took a deep breath as the Fight-or-Flight instinct kicked in. _I will not be made into a cat!_ He broke free from the butler's grip and, setting the candle down on his nightstand, raced for his bed, realizing the awfully stupid mistake he'd just made.

 _S**t... I'm cornered._

Sebastian advanced toward the younger slowly, a low chuckle forcing its way out of his throat. "I see you've chosen the hard way." His eyes glowed in the dark room. Ciel curled up on the pillow and stared at him.

Sebastian walked up to the bed and stood directly beside Ciel. He glared at him through slitted eyes, and he smirked widely as he used his teeth to uncork the bottle.

"What is that?" Ciel looked apprehensively at the contents of the bottle.

"Nothing you need to worry about." Sebastian smiled and lifted his arm quickly and tipped the bottle to Ciel's mouth. The boy pursed his lips and turned his head away from the bottle.

Sebastian's smile faded, and he stared at the boy with no traceable emotion. He thrust the bottle to the boy's mouth, only to have it be denied again. Sebastian grabbed Ciel's chin and pulled him towards himself. Sebastian's eyes grew wide as he stared the boy down. Ciel looked almost like a deer in headlights, and his lips parted to say something. Sebastian took this opportunity to place the lip of the bottle in Ciel's mouth. "Drink."

Ciel looked down at the red liquid before he closed his eyes tightly and allowed the strange liquid to pass through his mouth. He swallowed the entire bottle, to Sebastian's surprise, and when he finished, he doubled over onto the bed and coughed a bit.

Sebastian backed away and kneeled down on the floor. "So?"

"So, that was sickening." Ciel wiped his mouth with his sleeve, the once white thing now stained pink. "And should you ever address me in that way ever again, I swear that I'll - hnnn..." He cut himself off and shut his eyes, gritting his teeth.

"Something wrong, my Lord?" Sebastian smirked, placing his hands at his sides on the floor and leaning forward.

"No, but... ah..." Ciel raised his hands to the sides of his face. "What's going on..?"

Sebastian continued to watch on, not moving at all.

Ciel gasped as a strange but undeniable feeling spread from his head and small of the back, ending as quickly as it had started. He raised one hand to his head to see what was happening when he felt something that hadn't been there before.

He had another, strangely fluffy set of ears.

 _Cat_ ears.

Ciel shot up and stared wildly at Sebastian. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" His ears flattened down as he reached a hand behind him to touch the lowest part of his back and gripped something very long and fluffy. He yanked at it to see it for himself, and he came face to face with a cat's tail, the same colour as his hair, and it was connected to a spot right above his ass. He ran over to the full-body mirror in the corner of the room, and examined this new phenomenon for himself.

He turned this way and that, looked all around. Nothing about him was different apart from the fact that he had sprouted cat ears and a tail, and whenever the tail lifted itself too high, he could see pretty much everything that the shirt was _supposed_ to cover.

"I can't go anywhere like this! I-I can see everything when my tail raises too high!"

"Well, that's a nice touch..." Sebastian lifted a hand to his chin in thought. "You know, Master, becoming this flustered over something so simple is really adorable."

Ciel gave him the 'one-more-word-and-you're-dead' look before turning back to the mirror and sighing.

"...Master..." Sebastian spoke softly, looking down at the corner of his eye.

Ciel looked over at him grumpily. "...Yes?"

Sebastian stood up and walked over to Ciel, not making eye contact. "Can... can I pet you, perhaps..?" Ciel looked a bit confused before remembering that he was adorning features of Sebastian's favourite creature on his body, so he admitted defeat and lowered his head in the butler's direction.

Sebastian looked wide-eyed for a moment until he slowly raised a hand to Ciel's head and ran his hand through the boy's hair. He realized how much fun he was having and soon had both hands in Ciel's hair and rubbing his ears, every once in a while watching them flick from either anger or because they were being jabbed at with fingers.

Sebastian stopped the motions, his hands still poised over Ciel's head. He took a deep breath.

"Sebastian, you can stop anytime, you kno-"

The demon jerked Ciel over with one hand and flung him onto the bed.

"SEBA-"

Sebastian clambered on the bed and sat himself overtop of Ciel, sitting with his knees on each side of the boy.

Ciel sat up and looked at him with wide eyes. "..What are you doing?"

Sebastian leaned over him with his torso now, Ciel leaning back to lay fully on the bed and the raven-haired butler was now laying over the Earl, using his hands and knees as support to not fall right on top of him. Ciel's mouth opened to speak, but no words came forth.

"Master... this is only a temporary thing, these ears and tail... so would you allow me to enjoy them at my leisure?"

Ciel was speechless. What exactly did Sebastian mean by his 'leisure?'

"Uhm... alright, I guess..."

Sebastian smiled a genuine smile before burying his face in the pillow beside Ciel's.

Ciel stared at the ceiling for a while as he laid there.

 _I don't know how to feel about this..._

 _What if I had chosen the easy way?_

 _Oh well._

Sebastian raised his head again and let his gaze rest on Ciel. The younger of the two stared back at him, heartbeat running faster with each moment. Sebastian leaned his head down again, but he didn't direct it to the pillow this time.

Their faces were mere inches apart before Ronald Knox appeared at the window and opened it.

"HEY! YOU TWO SHOULD KISS!"

"GO AWAY RONALD." Ciel shouted.

Ronald saluted Ciel with the wrong (left) hand and fell backwards off of his pink ladder.

"YES, SIR!" He fell from the great height and exploded upon contact with the ground.

Ciel sighed and returned his gaze back to Sebastian. He had been leaning over him still, patiently waiting for the Shinigami to leave.

"What were we doing, again?" Sebastian asked.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Meow."

"..."

"..."

"OH YOUNG MASTER!~"

 **And then they lived happily never after.**

 **WELL THAT WAS TIRING, REALLY. I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS CRACK TO TAKE SUCH A SUDDEN TURN FOR FULL-ON STORY MODE.**

 **Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! If you haven't already, please R &R and give that favourite button a tap. It really helps!**

 **See you in the next chapter!**

 **-xXxNaru-LovexXx**

 **~~(Making Sebby's dreams come true since 2015.)~~**


	4. (yaoiiIII) Gravity and Jack the Stripper

**HEY BICHES**

 **I LOVE Y'ALL**

 _ **SO HERE YA GO**_

 _ **(I watched Lilo and Stitch again yesterday for the first time in years and I regained my love for it omg)**_

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 4: Gravity, Footstools and Jack the (St)Ripper

Sebastian was rather late in bringing Ciel his tea. The boy became slightly annoyed and did a triple handspring off of his chair, cartwheeling over to the door of his study. He was but a second away from opening the door and screaming for Sebastian when said man ploughed through the door, destroying it.

"MASTER."

"WHAT."

"I HAVE YOUR TEA."

"OKAY WELL WHERE IS IT."

"IT'S RIGHT HERE."

"RIGHT WHERE."

"IN MY HANDS, SIR."

"WELL GIVE IT TO ME."

"NO."

"WHY NOT."

"BECAUSE."

"BECAUSE WHAT."

Sebastian turned his back to Ciel and threw the hot tea into the hallway, bending backwards and forcing his weight onto Ciel's arms."

"Because grAVITY IS INCREASING ON ME." Sebastian pressed harder onto Ciel's hands and he felt the boy's arms shake from it.

"No it's not!" Ciel cried.

"It is too, Master, the same thing happened yesterday." He was bent over completely into a bridge-like shape, and Ciel was nearing very close to the ground. Ciel's arms gave out and Sebastian fell to the ground, laughing. Ciel was laying face-first on the floor underneath him.

"Agh- Sebastian! Your stupid demon butt is _crushing me!"_ Ciel squirmed underneath him and tried to free himself. Sebastian laughed harder at the earl's vain attempts.

* * *

 **I really wanted to write that scene out with these two and I'm so glad I did XD**

* * *

"Ngh- can't you do this any faster?"

"I apologize, Master, but I wish to take my time."

"Well, hurry it up! It's starting to hurt..."

"Here?"

"No, go lower-"

"Hm... here?"

"...Yes, right there. Ah-"

"Sorry."

"No, it's... it's fine. It feels better there."

Sebastian let his other foot rest on Ciel's lower back. He sat back in the chair in Ciel's office, enjoying his allowance of using Ciel as a footstool.

* * *

 **HAHAHHAAHA HAHAHA AHAHAHAHA _end_ me _._**

* * *

Rain poured down in the street. Ciel stood sentry at the corner while Sebastian played a game of Euchre with a small black kitten.

"Any sign of this 'Jack' yet?" Sebastian called out to the earl.

"No." He responded. "Can you sense him anywhere?"

"No, but-"

Chainsaw whirrs filled the air. A red-cloaked someone dashed onto the roof before Ciel and stared him in the eye, smiling wildly. He lifted his chainsaw into the air and laughed maniacally.

"I did sense _someone else._ "

"Hellooo there, handsome~! I'd love to stay and chat, but I have some _business_ to take care of..." He sprung down off of the roof and waited for a single second. The door to the same building he stood on moments ago flew open, a woman wearing red stood in the darkness and allowed the man to swing inside.

"SEBASTIAN! FOLLOW HIM!" Ciel shouted.

The demon dashed away to the door, scooping up Ciel bridal-style in the process. He forced himself through the door and was faced with an unsightly view.

It was too late. The last foreseeable victim on the earl's watch list had been in a trance, throwing away all her money at the two in front of her. Articles of clothing were being thrown everywhere, loud music and disco lights blaring. The two no-longer-red-clad people issued her a lapdance on either knee, and the final light of her eyes was being drained away, a permanent smile etched on her face.

The room grew silent.

Ciel growled. "So it was you, then."

The two emerged from the shadows and revealed their faces to the master and butler.

"It was you- Grell Sutcliffe and Madam Red. You're 'Jack the Stripper.'"

"Hm? Well I didn't think a little brat like you would figure it out, but hey." Grell crossed his arms, leaning his weight onto one leg. Madam Red took a step forward.

"Ciel.. my darling nephew... I didn't mean for you to figure it out like this-"

"Do not 'darling' me, Angelina. I've seen enough." He turned his back on the horrid crime and walked out of the door.

Sebastian watched Ciel leave and turned toward the door. After a moment he wheeled back around and looked at the two.

"...How much do you charge?"

* * *

 **WELL THAT WAS FUN TO WRITE OMG**

 **I liked experimenting with dialogue during the second event there. It was actually a tad difficult to write.**

 **Nevertheless, I hope you liked it! Please R &R and give that favourite button a tap. It really helps!**

 **See you in the next chapter!**

 **-xXxNaru-LovexXx**


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